An open letter to Sandra Bullock

Dear Sandra,

With the current trend in Hollywood for adopting children (Michelle Pfieffer, Angelina Jolie for example) I am writing to enquire whether you would consider adopting me.

While it is true that I would not normally fulfill all the usual adoption criteria (I am a forty year old Art Director in a UK Advertising Agency, have a mother and I am married with two children) I thought what the hell. I can drive, dig gardens and turn my hand to decorating and home maintenance. I've been fully house trained (I lift my feet for the hoover to pass and put my teacups in the sink). I am also good in bed - I go straight to sleep, don't wriggle and wake up when the alarm goes off.

So how about it? Say the word and I'll have the papers drawn up immediately... or I could adopt you if you'd prefer.

I understand if you have to turn this opportunity down, in which case do you have Michelle Pfeiffer's address?

Regards,

Marvin